Monday, March 3, 2014

Making The Decision to Stay at Home

Today has been a wonky day. The only activity that occurred as planned was lunch. I am grateful for today's lunch! The rest of the day was all over the place. Every other plan that was made just did not happen. Lately, I have been trying hard to let go of things that I cannot control and just go with the flow. Flexibility and adaptability are my mantras for raising a baby and my life as it is now. I try to stay in the moment, experience it, and figure out what is needed at that particular moment.

I realize that I have not written a personal post in a while. Life with an 11 month old is busy in some ways and lazy in other ways. Recently, I realized that if I want to be lazy, I could be lazy! I do not have to get up, get dressed and go to work. I am already at work, but I can wear whatever I want! If I do not feel like going to the library for a baby activity class, I do not have to. I can decide whether to go to the grocery in the morning or in the afternoon. I can push dishes off until tomorrow. In my attempts to focus less on the negatives (which have really been dragging me down lately), I am focusing more on the positives.

My life is so different than it was one year and two years ago and that is okay! I am not saying it is a bad thing. My life is different. I enjoy different things now. I focus my time and energy on different activities that fulfill me in different and new ways.

I am still problem solving all day long. I still have to get up to an alarm clock (the baby), attend meetings (feeding times) and deliver results (take care of the baby, keep the house in order). I have more to do than I can get done in one day. I miss the social interactions from work. I miss the twice a day breaks to get coffee/tea at Starbucks. I miss my work friends.

Though I have a little guy that will forever be my little baby. He is growing up before my eyes. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to experience it all with him every day. I am the one who is taking care of him through the ups and downs. And during those challenging moments when I want to scream at the top of my lungs to get some peace and quiet, he flashes me a smile that melts my heart. Now, he cuddles and gives me hugs. He will be 11 months old this week. He interacts. He learns. He understands. He is a curious little boy who loves crawling around and getting into everything, periodically looking back at me to see if I say, "not for you." If you hold his hands and walk with him, you better not stop! We are lazy when we want to be and we have stern talks when we need to set expectations.

I never imagined I would be one of those women who wanted to stay at home to raise a child. I was working in a demanding corporate world and enjoying happy hours several times a week. I would spend hours at the gym each week. I loved taking vacations to adults-only hotels. Suit shopping at Banana Republic and black heel shopping at Nordstrom were some of my favorites activities.

I am now the woman who wears the baby at the grocery store, the woman who looks up ASL baby signs for foods offered at dinner, the woman who gives her baby a wooden spoon and a wooden salad bowl to play with. Baby and me is my new normal! I am having fun!

>> How has your life changed since having a baby??


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